feeling down

These past few weeks I've been feeling extremely down....

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"insecure"
adj insecure [insiˈkjuə] :

1 unsure of oneself or lacking confidence. i.e "Whenever he was in a crowd of people he felt anxious and insecure."

2 not safe or firmly fixed. i.e "This chair-leg is insecure; an insecure lock."

adv inseˈcurely

n inseˈcurity

Kernerman English Learner’s Dictionary © 1986-2008 K Dictionaries Ltd and partners. All rights reserved.

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sometimes...I tend to be very insecure...emotionally...n as stated in my previous post, I think too much about everything...n usually, I think for the worst....*sigh*

I'm afraid that people will dislike me...especially those whom I really care about...the matter is, when I really care about a particular person, I will try not to overly show it...I will show it as subtly as I can bcoz I'm afraid they will be bored of me..I'm afraid they will loath me...I'm afraid they will think that I'm pathetic =(

what hurts the most is, when the person I care about does not care about me...it kills me that the person does not enjoy my company....n would rather be with everyone else but me (despite all the "subtle" things I did...haha) *OMG...I am pathetic!* especially if we're really close n suddenly everything changes without me knowing the reason why...or when somebody else comes into the picture n suddenly, things go differently...why it has to be this way? *my heart shattered to pieces n I'm not being dramatic* maybe I shouldn't have cared about a person too much to avoid from feeling this miserable...or should I show my emotions excessively so that they will notice for sure? (I really don't think I can do that)


=((((((((




p/s: I don't know why I'm typing and sharing this...maybe as a result of me being overly insecure rite now...maybe I need to let it out...subtly


p/ss (is there such thing?): this entry is NOT about a boy...I repeat - NOT ABOUT A BOY...tq

Tagged by Eha (Kalsom)

Actually, I posted this tag on my Facebook...but as Eha had tagged me in her "My 25 Random Things", n I'm too lazy to think of other not-so-interesting facts about myself, I decided to plagiarize my own work...miahahaha...n to make it 25, I'll add 5 more facts in the end


p/s: it is understandable if anybody snooze off while reading this list...huhu


Rules: Here's my "20 things" list. If I tagged you, you are supposed to write a note with 20 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 20 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.



1. I think too much about everything...n when I did something wrong or idiotic, it will be played in my head for millions of times...n I will never ever forget it

2. oh...I will forgive...but will never forget

3. Fall crazily in LURVE with Santorini Island, Greece after watching the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants...haha XD

4. I don't really like to share my emotions with anybody...even family...makes me feel kinda embarrassed

5. I am temperamental...my mood can swing 180 degree in a second

6. I'm SO afraid that I will not finish my academic exercise (research) in time...but do nothing to speed things up...aiyaa

7. had no experience of the growing pains of gigi geraham bongsu. (simply none am I am worried!) <-- OMG Ayie! exactly the same with me!! huhu 8. I hate people who spit in public! pengotor btol!!! 9. I'm still dreaming of going to Disneyland...especially the one in California 10. unlike Ayie, Peoz, Hami & most other people, I gained weight A LOT in the past few years...I mean A LOT! cc(_ _')cc

11. I don't like to hear people membebel but sometimes can't help from doing so myself

12. too ashamed of being perceived as ridiculous in front of people...sometimes it makes me appear standoffish

13. loves baking but indifferent about cooking

14. believe that I'm 50% like my father & 50% like my mother...physically, mentally & psychologically

15. I care a lot of other people's feeling...sometimes too much that I tend to turn down my own feelings

16. tried almost every product to make my hair & skin healthier & flawless but failed miserably...haha

17. I can tolerate children & babies much much better than adults...I just fond of them!

18. still supresses her desire of wanting to become a kindergarten teacher <-- woot!! another similarity with Ayie!

19. also secretly want to be a pastry chef...but maybe its too far to reach 20. I'm so grateful of the life I'm living now...hoping that my future will be as great as now =)


*the extra 5*


21. if there's such a job as 'Paid Traveller', I'll be the 1st one to apply...seriously!

22. totally agree with a saying - "a gurl can never have too many shoes"....haha...handbag as well! XD

23. my perfect dream house would be a cottage by a cool crystal-clear lake, surrounded by green gigantic mountains and under the perfect blue sky with fluffy clouds....too much to ask? =)

24. I've always been in awe (and a little bit jealous) with people who know the right thing to say at the right time

25. I used to firmly believe in 'love at the first sight'...now, I doubt it...haihs...~




people to tag - everybody who is reading this...yes...that means U! (since this is a re-write thingy, I don't think I have the energy to tag 20 people again) cakap je la malas kn...hahaha

psst...I have a Crush on...

February....the month of romance & love (for some people)....the most unique month (bcoz some years it has 28 days...some years 29 days...what's not unique about that?)...n the most important month in my life...for those who can't figure out why, maybe u're not that close to me...haha

so...in conjunction with this "special" month, I would like to share with u a list of hotties I have a crush on...I know...I know...I'm already 24 this year....so what??? this is purely for fun =)

this list is not in order of preference...wait...maybe just the 1st one *wink*

oh...one more thing...these are all celebrities...becaaaauuse...I CAN'T and WILL NOT expose my list of 'realistic' crush...EVER! haha

- Jensen Ackles -

Full Name : Jensen Ross Ackles
D.O.B : 1 March 1978
Born : Texas, USA
Descent : Irish, English, Scottish, American
Crush Since : First episode of Supernatural played on AXN (somewhere in 2006)
Trivia : "I'm a mad Gummi fan. I always have Gummis in my trailer. But you can't eat too many because then you get Gummi tummy, and that's no good. I can't believe I'm saying this"

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- Chace Crawford -

Full Name : Christopher Chace Crawford
D.O.B : 18 July 1985
Born : Texas, USA (Texas too? wow...Texas guys are hot or what?!!)
Descent : American
Crush Since : Last year...in Gossip Girl
Trivia : His younger sister, Candice, is Miss Missouri USA 2008

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- Utt -

Full Name : Greg Uttsada Panichkul
D.O.B : 3 September 1974
Born : California, USA
Descent : Thai-Chinese
Crush Since : long long time ago...probably back in 1998
Trivia : He's been the longest running and most popular MTV Asia vj to date (11 years)

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- Geoff -

Full Name : Geoffrey Michael A. Eigenmann (Geoff is pronounced as 'Jeff')
D.O.B : 23 March 1985
Born : Philippines
Descent : Spanish, American, Pinoy
Crush Since : 2005...when his drama 'Hiram' was being played in Astro
Trivia : I like to call him 'Prince Chubby'...his nickname in 'Hiram'...so cute! =)

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- Dennis Oh -

Full Name : Dennis Joseph O'Neil Jr.
D.O.B : 29 August 1981
Born : Texas, USA (what did I tell u about Texas Guys?)
Descent : Korean, American
Crush Since : 2007...when I saw the above picture (the 1st one) on the Net
Trivia : started modeling at the age of 16 as he applied for a model contest he had heard from the radio by chance while working out in his basement

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- Dermot Mulroney -

Full Name : Dermot Mulroney (duhh)
D.O.B : 31 October 1963 (he may be old now...but in my heart, he's still 'Micheal' in My Best Friend's Wedding...haha)
Born : Virginia, USA
Descent : Irish, American
Crush Since : My Best Friend's Wedding
Trivia : Good friend with Brad Pitt & born on the same day as Rob Schneider

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- Diether -

Full Name : Diether Ocampo Pascual
D.O.B : 19 July 1976
Born : Philippines
Descent : Pinoy
Crush Since : Sana'y wala ng wakas (2003)
Trivia : his new girlfriend (Rima Lorza Ostwani) is a resemblance of his ex-wife (Kristine Hermosa)...coincidence? =)

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- James Dean -

Full Name : James Byron Dean
D.O.B : 8 February 1931
D.O.D : 30 September 1955 (sob..sob)
Born : Indiana, USA
Descent : British, American
Crush Since : watched 'East of Eden' in 2005
Trivia : His favorite drink was coffee and his favorite ice cream flavors were coffee and raspberry

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- Shah Rukh Khan -

HAHAHA

no...seriously...I think he's gorgeous...there...u can laugh ur head off....I don't care.. XP





Full Name : Shahrukh Khan
D.O.B : 2 November 1965
Born : New Delhi, India
Descent : Indian
Crush Since : err....kids...probably from Dilwale & Dil To Pagal Hai
Trivia : was not very good at Hindi in school, until his mother promised to take him to the cinema if he passed. As he loved films, he got top marks from then on

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there...what do u think? hehe...yes...there are so many more handsome men out there...but this is MY list...n I think they are simply gorgeous...perfect in their own way

now...plz excuse me while I sip a cup of nescafe n drool over more pics of these gorgeous men...lalala...~

Handphone - Cellphone - Mobile Phone...who cares?

1. your hp model
--> Nokia 7390 L'Amour in Powder Pink

2. a picture of it


3. how many times did your hp get tortured by you.
--> lately, a couple of times...huhu...getting more n more careless

4. which part of your hp you hate the most and why..
--> none

5. which part of your hp you like the most and why..
--> the design...the colours...the functions...even the name! haha...L'Amour...isn't it a wonderful name? =)

6. which icon do you like the most
--> oh...unfortunately the icons are not that cute...haha...doesn't matter to me

7. what else to change to become a perfect hp..
--> touch screen! i so want a touch screen phone!

8. you need a hp because..
--> one of the most important gadgets in my life...its my alarm clock, my entertainment, my reminder, my connection to the outer world (eh?)

9. who bought this hp for you..
--> 70% my dad & 30% me...ahaks

10. with the total amount of your hp price, what could you buy other than hp..
--> half of a new laptop or a whole new wardrobe or a couple dozens of shoes...gurls eh...haha =)

11. is your hp model popular in the market
--> Nokia - yes....L'Amour - not sure

12. describe yourself as a smart hp user
--> too lazy to describe myself.. XP

13. how often do you recharge your hp
--> whenever the battery is nearly, or most of the time, already dead

14. estimate, how long could your hp survive..
--> ermm...hopefully more than 2 years...haha...it has already passed half of my expectation though...bravo hp!

15. actually are you interested in hp..
--> o yesss....~

16. are you happy with your hp condition now..
--> yup...no prob what so ever

17. every morning, what is the first thing you do with your hp..
--> hit the snooze button....couple of times

18. imagine someone takes your hp away for 1 day what would happen..
--> then i have to walk to class...huhu...bcoz i can't contact sya to tumpang her car...n i can't call cab to pick me....huhu....yes, i don't memorize any of the numbers

19. no hp no life..agree or bullshit..
--> somewhat agree...hehe

20. tag 6 sexy phone user..
--> kem, peoz, eha, najwa, err...ayie...n........aunty DD...haha...o yes...u guys r definitely sexy

Entry AE-Blom-Siap-Tapi-Sebok-Wat-Mende-Lain

Jumaat [16 Januari 2009]

dgn semangat berkobar2, aku, sya & diana gi Malaysia Career & Training Fair kt Mid Valley Exhibition Centre...bwk resume sket punye byk...last2 kitorang gi kt Post Graduate Education Fair je...hampir sume booth kitorang singgah, kecuali both2 u kt taiwan (no offence)...n hampir sume borang kitorang isi...siap yg u oversea pn kitorang isi skali...pastu bile die bitaw min qualification, mmg aa tegelak kuat2 dlm ati...hehe...bantai saje

dh abeh round, kitorang sepakat malas nk gi kt career nye section...huhu...konon mase tu smangat nk sambung masters berkobar2 aa...(sambil nyanyi lagu vince - berkobar2)...kua je tros rase haus...ye aa...ckp x benti2...memule ingat nk minum kt food court je...tp ramai yg amat & kaki dh lenguh...so kitorang pn turun floor bwh skali...pusing2 cari restoren yg sedap & x payah boikot...hehe...last2 sangkut kt Beard Papa's...wow! pastry kt situ sgt maveles!! (aku mmg fanatic pastry)...kitorang tige2 order Fondant Au Chocolate...seriesli weh...sape yg blom penah rase, baik korang try!

light & fluffy chocolate cake with super creamy oozing chocolate filling

time kaseh cik diana (biru) kerane membelanje kami! lenkali banje la lg ye...hehe

being a pastry fanatic, aku beli (bungkus bwk blk ) die nye cream puffs - both vanilla & chocolate, chocolate eclair & lagi 1 tu lupe name die....tp mmg sume sgt sedap! so pasni sape2 nk banje Beard Papa's, aku KONFEM setuju...muahaha


so...hasil drp gi post graduate fair & lepak di Beard Papa's? mase depan ku masih kelam....huahua....adeih...nk keje? nk blaja? keje kt mane? blaja kt mane? keje ape? blaja ape? *pitam*

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Sabtu [17 Januari 2009]

ikot ummi, A.Man & C.Ning gi majlis kawen kenalan family kt Dewan Risda Ampang...ok aa gak...kitorang dok semeja ngan 1 family ni...parents & 3 children (25-15 years old)...aku sgt suke tgk mak die sbb die seiras cam Lily Bass / van der Woodsen dlm Gossip Girl


gaye die ckp...gaye die senyum...gaye die layan anak2 die...walopon die dh berusia (aku agak awal 50-an), tp die sgt cantik menarik...(jgn tambah kau mmg da bomb!)

hehe...tu je nk cite...aku sgt teruja bile jumpe org cam Lily tu (sbb aku suke die dlm Gossip Girl)...ahakss

Family & Friends

aku nk tanye pendapat korang...cube try bayangkn ek (sebagai seorang perempuan berumur awal 20-an)

korang still dok ngan parents...keje penat, slalu blk lmbt (pkol 11 mlm & ke atas) & parents korang sgt x suke ngan keadaan tu...tp, sbb dorang taw tu tentang mase dpn korang, dorang kene bersabar & tahan je perasaan risau & x puas ati...satu hari, korang ckp ngan dorang yg korang mungkin x perlu blk lmbt lg...parents korang pn sgt hepi & lega kerane x perlu risau tentang keselamatan anak dare mereka lg...mlm pertame yg korang sepatutnye blk awal, tetibe korang bitaw dorang yg korang kene tolong kwn nk pindah rumah...umah kwn korang tu plak sgt la jauhnye dr umah korang (err..anggap la cam putrajaya ke selayang)...oleh kerane parents korang still boleh sabar lg, dorang pn kate ok....tp bile jarum jam dh menjangkau pkol 11 lebey, dorang dh start risau blk...bile dorang call, korang ngan cool nye bitaw yg korang pn tataw lg boley siap angkut brg pkol bape...pkol 1 ke..pkol 2 ke...~

(hint: korang taw parents korang x suke korang blk lmbt sbb keje, tp dorang kene sabar sbb x leh wat ape...dan dgn pengetahuan tu, korang still wat mende yg same, tp sbb "kene tolong kawan")

korang rase, ape perasaan parents korang mase tu? patut ke x situasi ni berlaku? ye..mmg kawan penting...tp lg penting drp parents ke? patut ke kite sakitkn ati parents kite semate2 nk tolong kawan? macam mane plak perasaan korang kalo denga parents ckp dorang kecik ati sgt2 ngan korang?

so...adekah anda rase:

• situasi ni sgt biase n xde ape pn...parents mmg suke mengongkong idop anak2...kite mesti la tolong kwn tu...kesian die...die kn nk pindah

• parents ade hak utk rase risau so kite sebagai anak x patut wat dorang camtu...kalo nk tolong kwn pn, xkn la smpai tgh mlm kn...tanggung jawab sebagai kwn nk tunai, tp tanggung jawab sebagai anak?
  

p/s: sile jwb ngan jujur...xnk jwb kt aku pn xpe...jwb dlm ati je